Stargate -- Thou Shalt Not -- General

[A Moment In Subtext]

Stargate SG-1
Thou Shalt Not
By. A Moment In Subtext

Thou Shalt Not. . .die. The fact that we have to actually tell you this says bad things. Granted, half the people who die around here come back anyway, but unless you're a part of SG-1, or are a really evil bad guy, you probably won't.
Thou Shalt Not. . .say things like "How bad could it be," "Nothing can go wrong now," "What could posssibly go wrong," "So far so good," etc. This is almost guaranteed to make things blow up in your face.
Thou Shalt Not. . .push buttons or pull levers unless and until you know for certain what they do. Most of the time they do Bad Things.
Thou Shalt Not. . .eat food offered to you and only to you. It will probably be poisoned/drugged.
Thou Shalt Not. . .point out that the Asgard are naked. We all know, and its disturbing enough without you bringing attention to it, thank you very much.
Thou Shalt Not. . .teach the natives to swear. Especially the children. Are you trying corrupt the universe?
Thou Shalt Not. . .beam people up in the middle of a conversation. Or sentance. Or word.
Thou Shalt Not. . .stick your head, or any part of your, or anyone elses, anatamy into pieces of alien technology. Does 'Ancient Database' ring any bells?
Thou Shalt Not. . .volunteer for offworld rituals. Unless you know exactly what you're getting into before hand. Some rituals are better left unmentioned.
Thou Shalt Not. . .travel through time. Its confusing as hell to read/write those mission reports, and the amount of paperwork is ridiculous.
Thou Shalt Not. . .trust a Goa'uld. You'd think this would go without saying, but it doesn't. Should you feel inclined to trust a Goa'uld, please see a therapist.
Thou Shalt Not. . .call the Tok'ra Goa'uld. They are our allies and they do not like to be called Goa'uld. Angering our technologically advanced allies is a Bad Thing.
Thou Shalt Not. . .dismiss your teammates if they claim to be hearing voices. Sometimes, more often than not, they actually are.
Thou Shalt Not. . .use your teammates as bait. Most of the time it will backfire in your face, and teammates have odd ways of getting back at you.
Thou Shalt Not. . .answer the doctors questions with "fine." Everything is 'fine,' be specific. Remenmber, the doctor knows things about you you don't want her to share.
Thou Shalt Not. . .skip your vacation days. We don't care if you like to work, or if we're under attack every other week, you will get the hell out of here at least once a year.
Thou Shalt Not. . .volunteer when the Tok-ra ask for volunteers. You never know what they actually want, and you may end up 'blended.'
Thou Shalt Not. . .get cloned. Once, we could understand, twice is pushing it, three times in so not worth the paperwork.
Thou Shalt Not. . .use "It seemed like a good idea at the time" as an excuse. It only sounds good in your head, people.
Thou Shalt Not. . .trust plants you find offworld. They could be radioactive/poisonous/sentient. Remember the one that nearly took over the base?
Thou Shalt Not. . .shoot walls and focefields. Bullets bounce, and we don't care if you didn't know the forcefield was there, do not shoot it.
Thou Shalt Not. . .trust the natives if they are happy to see you. Chances are, they're allied with our enemies and will try to kill you later.
Thou Shalt Not. . .act without thinking. We value intelligence, not stupidity, and getting us all killed does not look good on your resume.
Thou Shalt Not. . .be surprised when you too-good-to-be-true discovery actually is. It happens all the time. We call this 'irony.'
Thou Shalt Not. . .ask your superiors whether they want the "Real" or "Official" version of you mission. This could get you fired.
Thou Shalt Not. . .ignore the scientists all the time. When they say something, somewhere in it is something important that will save our asses later.
Thou Shalt Not. . .ignore the 50-50-90 rule. If we have a 50-50 chance of success, 90 percent of the time it will fail.
Thou Shalt Not. . .have less that three backup plans. Plan A never works, Plan B rarely works, and if Plan C doesn't work you're screwed.
Thou Shalt Not. . .attempt to recreate an accident that worked on purpose. In other words, just because you did it once, doesn't mean you can do it again. Don't. Try.
Thou Shalt Not. . .attempt to do something Carter can't. If she can't, you have zip in the line of chances. Trust us.
Thou Shalt Not. . .stick around long enough for the bad guys to realize you're trying to kill them. Especially when you fail. Miserably. If at first you don't succeed, run like hell.
Thou Shalt Not. . .shoot first, ask questions later. Remember, if they're dead, they can't answer the questions. Unless they're Daniel.
Thou Shalt Not. . .kill Daniel. He dies enough on his own, thank you.