And Fools Shine On -- General

[A Moment In Subtext]

Doctor Who
And Fools Shine On
By. A Moment In Subtext

Oh, the irony.
The Doctor, in a fit of either incredible brilliance or immense stupidity, (it was sometimes hard to tell with him), had finally decided to do Something about the fact that he would someday lose Rose.
The first step of that Something involved telling Rose he loved her. Which was somehow more difficult than it sounded, because it included finding a moment when they weren't running for their lives. But he did finally find a moment, a perfect moment between adventuring and visiting Rose's mum, and he told her in no uncertain terms (read: made a complete idiot of himself.)
The second step of that Something involved getting Rose to admit to loving him, too. That was surprisingly simple. After her'd begun to tell her how he felt (read: tripped over his own tongue), she'd grinned at him and said, "I love you too, ya bit git. Now, shut up an' kiss me." And he that had been the end of that.
The third step of that Something was to get Rose to agree to become Gallifreyan. When he'd suggested it, she'd blinked and asked "You can do that?" He shrugged and admitted that he wasn't sure, and she'd agreed to try it if he found a way to do so.
He considered briefly using the chameleon arch to do it, then decided that it would be Too Dangerous to risk re-wiring it and even more dangerous to attempt using a re-wired bit of an out-dated Tardis on Rose anyway. Which made step for of the Something finding another way and implementing it. After a while, he came up with a plan.
He would convince the Tardis to let him look at her heart and give the Bad Wolf abilities to his human side (he's half-human on his mothers side, remember), then, after transforming Rose, his Time Lord side would absorb it and regenerate him. Simple, right?
Wrong.
First, he had to actually convince he Tardis. That took much more time than he'd expected, long months of back and forth during which his room had been "lost" no less than seventeen times and the bathroom twice that. But he finally did convice her. Then, with the Tardis convinced, he actually did it.
But, see, the ironic thing is this: After all that work, he regenerated as a woman.

[A Moment In Subtext]

"Righteo then, that's done." The Doctor said, "Ooh, high pitched voice. Hmm, that's okay. I can deal with that."
Rose stared.
"What? I haven't got two heads, have I?" He turned his head quickly left and right in an attempt to see the hypothetical second head.
Rose shook her head.
"Right. One head. Two legs, two arms, ten toes, ten fingers. Right, normal so far. Hmm, long hair, that's interesting. Let's see, two eyes, one nose, one mouth. Two shoulders, two breasts, two hearts, bit wide in the hips - wait breasts? Men don't have breasts!"
Rose shook her head again.
"No. Oh, god, no! I didn't! Rose. Please, please, please, tell me I'm not a woman?"
"You're not a woman." Rose said flatly.
"Thank you for lying."
"You're welcome."
"I'm a woman."
"Yep." Rose said, a grin slowly spreading over her features as the irony of the situation sank in. "Should I call you Doctorette now?"
"No! Rose!"
"Doctoress?"
"Women can be doctors!"
"Not woman who look like you." Rose snorted.
"Rose, this is serious."
Rose sighed. "I know. So, what do we do now?"
"We-ell. . .you could go home, forget you ever met me, forget we ever said 'I love you'-"
"No! Doctor, I have two hearts now. Kind of hard to forget somethin' like that. And besides, I wouldn't want to."
"Yeah, I figured you'd say that."
"So then. What do we do?"
"Well, the way I see it, we have four options."
"Yeah, and they are?"
"Well, option one is that I go do something to get myself killed, hopefully regenerate as a man again."
"Don't you dare change on me again, miste - er, ma'am."
"Option two is for one of us to get a sex change operation."
Rose wrinkled her nose.
"I don't like that one either."
"And besides." Rose added. "What kind of sex change doctor wouldn't notice the two hearts and get suspicious?"
"Good point. Option three. We can become lesbians."
"Er. . .no, sorry." Rose said, seeming truelly apologetic. "I'm not. . .I never. . ."
"Didn't think so. That leaves us with option four, we carry on as we did before. Just friends."
"I think I can do that." Rose said slowly.
"Yeah?"
"Yeah."
"Right." The Doctor nodded. "Where to then?"
"I think. . .home. Mum as got to see this."
The Doctor goggled at her. "You have to be kidding!"
"Nope, sorry. Besides, unless you're a closet transvestite, we need to go shopping for some. . .accessories." She made cupping motions in front of her chest.
The Doctors already wide eyes widened even further. Rose giggled and the Doctor closed her eyes and sighed. Whichever deitey is watching over me now has a sick sense of humor.

[A Moment In Subtext]

"Hold it." Rose said as the Tardis landed. "Where do you think you're going?"
"To your mums flat." The Doctor said, pointing to the door. "If we've got to do this, best to get it over with quickly."
"I'll let that go in favor of wondering if you're planning on going dressed like that."
"What's wrong with the way I'm dressed?"
"That's a mans suit for one thing."
"Yeah, so?"
"So you're not exactly a man anymore, Doctor." Rose said in exasperation. "You have a womans. . .attributes. I mean you're not big, but you're not exactly small, either."
"What. . .?"
"You're drooping!" Rose said pointedly.
"I'm. . .?" He glanced down. "Oh. But I don't. . ."
Rose sighed. "You'll have to borrow an outfit of mine. Just this once, mind. Don't think I'll be lettin' you borrow my clothes often, we are going shooping just as soon as we've popped in at mums - why're you just standing there? Come on!"

--

"Rose, I really don't think I should-"
"Doctor, if you don't change into this outfit in the next five minutes, I'm gonna bring my mum in here to help you."
The Doctor stared at her for a few seconds before taking the pro-offered pile of clothes. She looked at it, then at Rose, and back again with increasing awkwardness.
"What is it now?" Rose dmanded impatiently.
"Could you. . .turn around or something?"
Rose stared at her incredulously. "Oh, of all the times to discover modesy, you choose now?"
"Please?"
"Oh, fine. I'll be waiting in the hall." She turned around and stepped into the hallway, leaning against the wall. "And, wait for it, here we go." She muttered to the Tardis. She pointered her finger toward the door.
"Rose?" The Doctor called. "How do you put this thing on?"
With a sigh, and a knowing roll of her eyes, Rose went back into the room, the sympathetic presence of the Tardis in the back of her mind.
It was going to be a long day.

--

"I look ridiculous." The Doctor said, looking at herself in the mirror.
"No, you don't." Rose said, nodding mostly to herself. "You look like a normal human girl."
"I feel ridiculous, then. I mean, really, Rose, a skirt?"
"Lots of girls wear skirts, Doctor."
"You don't. And if feels. . .weird."
"You'll get used to it. Stop complainin' an' walk."
The Doctor took a few steps and stumbled, catching on to Rose for support. "Sorry, center of balance is a bit different for women than for men. I'm sure I'll get used to it. . .eventually." He added under his breath.
"I heard that."
"These heels aren't helping either. You're not wearing heels, why do I have to?"
"They're the only pair that match that outfit."
"I'd be perfectly content to be mis-matched."
"No, Doctor."
A very long day.

[A Moment In Subtext]

"Mum!?" Rose called, dropping her bag onto the couch and glancing around the flat.
"I'm in the kitchen!" Jackie poked her head around the corner. "You're home early, you know. It's hardly been a week since you left."
"I know. There was an. . .accident."
"Oh my! Are you alright? Is the Doctor alright?"
"We're fine, mum."
"Are you certain?" Jackie asked dubiously, pressing her hand against Rose's forehead. "Well, you don't have a fever. . .oh, and who's this, then?" She asked, finally noticing the Doctor lingering beside the door. "She travelling with you?"
"You could say that." Rose said, while the Doctor simply shuffled her feet uncomfortably.
"Well, whoever she is, she better not tromp mud all over my flat." Jackie announced.
"She's the Doctor."
"She's what?"
"She. Is. The Doctor." Rose repeated slowly.
"You're kidding."
"I wish." The Doctor muttered. "Nope, sorry Jackie, its really me."
"Prove it." Jackie demanded, putting her hands on her hips.
"First time we me, two regenerations ago, I came inside with Rose and stopped in the door to your room, pretending to be with the compensation office. An' you, in your dressin' gown, you said 'anything could happen.' "
"Oh, mum, you didn't. . .you did! Mum!"
"Well, he said no!" Jackie protested. Then she glanced at the Doctor. "So, what'd you do to get yourself like this?"
"Had a bit of a run in with the heart of the Tardis." She shrugged meekly.
"Again?" She looked at Rose. "Didn't you learn your lesson the-"
"It wasn't me, it was him! Her! The Doctor! All the Doctors idea."
Jackie's eyebrows rose. "Oh, really?"
"Yeah." The Doctor admitted sheepishly.
"You willingly turned yourself into a girl?"
"Well it was an accident! The regeneration is completely random!"
"You should have thought of that before you absorbed the heart of the Tardis." Jackie shot back. "Why'd you do that, anyway?"
"Um. . ." She muttered sideways to Rose. "If I tell her the truth, she's gonna smack me, yeah?" Rose nodded discreetly. "Nothing!"
Jackie rolled her eyes.
"Alright. Now, if all that's settled, d'you suppose we can go, Rose?"
"You're leaving so soon? You've only just got here."
"Yes, well, places to go, people to see. . ."
"Clothes to buy." Rose put it, then added. "We're going shopping. There's not a huge stock of womans clothes aboard the Tardis."
"Hmmph, I suppose not. Well, let me get the keys, I'll drive you."
"You don't have to do that, mum. It's not that far, we can walk."
"Nonsense." Jackie said dismissively. "I wouldn't miss this to for the world."
The Doctor looked desperately at Rose, you tried again. "What I mean is, I think the Doctor would be more comfortable if it was just the two of us, you know."
Jackie stared at her for a moment and nodded. "I know."
Rose shrugged and shot the doctor a half-apologetic grin, to which he responded with a frustrated glare.

[A Moment In Subtext]

"Rose, your mother is driving me insane."
"Normal state of affairs, then."
"Yes, thats helping." The Doctor rolled her eyes.
"Well, what's she done now?"
"Same thing she's been doing for the past two hours." She sighed. "I swear, if she tells one more confused-looking salesperson that I was forced to become a transexual in order to save my life, I'll strangle her with a clothes hanger."
"'S actually not that far from the truth, though."
"That's nto the point, Rose!"
"You've gotta appreciate mums ability to think on her feet."
"What I'm feeling toward Jackie Tyler isn't even in the same century as 'appreciation.' An' I can actually do that, cos I'm a-"
"TIme traveller. Yeah, I know. You said that the last four times we had this conversation. God, I think you're more ditzy now than ya were before!"
"Ditzy?!" The Doctor repeated, sounding scandalized.
"Yes, Doctor. Ditzy. Shall I get you a dictionary? You can look it up if you like."
"I know what ditzy is, Rose. But, I'll have you know, I have never been ditzy. I've been loony, completely over the top, even ADHD, but never ditzy!"
Rose stuck her tongue out at her.
"Oh, yeah, that's real mature, Rose."
"Oh, knock it off you two." Jackie said. "Come have a look at this top, its the cutest thing, and it'll match your skin tone perfectly."
The Doctor gave Rose the Glare of Evil Doom that only women can pull off convincingly, then ruined it by grinning when she realized what she'd done.

--

"That's it then." Rose said with an air of finality. "We've got your tops, slacks, shoes, undergarments, that ridiculous hat you're so set on having-"
"It's not ridiculous, its eccentric!"
Jackie snorted.
"Well, it is!" The Doctor protested.
"Socks, skirts, formal dresses, jewelery, and makeup. Just one more. . .accessory left and we'll be done."
The Doctor shifted. "Do we have to?"
Rose and Jackie looked the Doctor over and exchanged looks. "Yes." They said together.
"But - but -"
"No butts, Doctor." Rose said firmly. "Any more and we'll have the entire shop lookin' at us."
The Doctor looked at her quizzically. "What?"
"Its a play on words. Buts, butts. . .oh, nevermind."

--

"I really don't want to be here."
"You've made that quite clear." Rose said dryly.
"I mean I really don't want to be here."
"Oh, quit yer moaning." Jackie said. "Rose, honey, what do you think? Large-A or small-B?"
"The second one." A familiar voice said to the right.
The Doctor groaned in defeat.

[A Moment In Subtext]

"Jack!" Rose exclaimed, hurrying over to the man and accepting his embrace. "What are you doing in the lingerie section of. . ." She trailed off when she saw the look he was giving her. "Right. I shoulda known."
Jack grinned wickedly. "But of course."
"Sorry we left you. The Doctor said you were busy."
"You could call it that." Jack said dryly. "Where is the Doctor?"
"Right here." Rose said.
"Where? I don't see him." Jack leaned forward onto his tip-toes and looked around. "Nevermind, I'll find him soon enough. "And who's the lovely lady I've just helped you chose apparel for?"
"Don't start with me, Captain." The Doctor said firmly.
Jack stared at her for a second. ". . .Doctor?"
"Sadly, yes."
"What the hell happened to you?"
"I regenerated. Time Lords do that, you know. I'll explain later, when, uh," She dropped her voice, "When I don't have the wicked witch of the west peeking over my shoulder."
"Oi! I heard that!" Rose said, swatting him the ridiculous/eccentric hat.
The Doctor rubbed her arm. "Ouch! Rose, that hurt!"
"Good." Rose said decisively. "Serves you right."
"Well, I can see you two are getting along fabulously."
"Yes, well," The Doctor started, then dragged Jack away from the girls, "Just before. . .this happened, we'd, um, just declared our undying love for each other."
"Okay, let me get this straight. You finally, finally, after years of tension, admit that you love each other, so you turn yourself into a girl? Are you completely insane?!"
"How many times do I have to explain that this was an accident? First Jackie, now you, next we'll run into-"
"Nevermind." Jack interrupted.
"Anyway, needless to say, I didn't exactly plan on switching genders."
"So why did you?"
"Well its not like I get a say in how the regeneration turns out!"
"Still. What're the chances of you suddenly changing genders?"
"About, oh, one in a million."
"Really?" Jack wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. "I always knew you were one in a million, Doctor."
"Not funny. I told you not to start."
"Sorry." Jack shrugged. "Its a reflex."
The Doctors eyebrows rose. "Oh? What, 'see pretty girl, must sleep with?' "
"Well, I was going to say flirt with, but-"
"Stop talking now."
"Sorry. I told you it was a reflex!"
Rose and Jackie, who'd wandered over with the shopping cart, burst into laughter.
"Can we go now?"
"Checkouts back this way. You coming with, Jack?" Rose inquired mildly.
"Ah, I'm still welcome aboard the good ship Tardis?"
"So long as you remember that she's my Tardis." The Doctor said.
"You're not going to leave me somewhere in the wake of a disaster again?"
"You left this poor man in the wake of a disaster?" Jackie demanded, swatting the Doctors arm with the ridiculous/eccentric hat.
"I was a little busy bringing Rose home for Christmas!" The Doctor protested, rubbing her arm again. "Besides, he needed to re-establish the government. You don't want to know how Earth would have turned out without his help."
Jack rolled his eyes. "But you're not going to do it again?"
"Not unless I have to."
"I can live with that."
"Good. Now if we could just pay for all this junk and get out of here?"